How Do I Deal
by Sodapop Allerdyce
Summary: A/N: i fixed the format! there r sum dirty words in here, but who cares rite? Songfic. ^.~


Title: How Do I Deal  
  
Author: PhOeNiX  
  
Email Address: HuNtReSs_PhOeNiX@HarryPotterNetwork.zzn.com  
  
Summary: Draco tries his best to deal with the ways his life has changed.  
  
Character Pairing: no couples, just the main gang  
  
Completeness: One Chapter  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter nor it's characters, and so forth. "How Do I Deal" is by Jennifer Love Hewitt, from the I Know What You Did Last Summer soundtrack. I love this song!  
  
~Author's Note: Yeah! I just perfected the spacing and thoughts! *.* Indicates thoughts. I didn't have time earlier because I went to see "Chicago" with some friends. It's such a good movie! I recomment you people go see it. ^.~ This is my first Harry Potter and Song fic, so be kind when reviewing. I have another fic, it's about Birds Of Prey called Lady Scarlet. You can read it if you like. Since I don't know what else to say, plus it's late, I've got to go now! Enjoy! ^.~  
  
How Do I Deal  
  
  
  
The bright sunlight of morning shines through the emerald curtains of a Slytherin dormitory. A figure nearby in bed, groans as sleep escapes his weary body. Draco Malfoy slowly gets out of his comfortable bed to get dressed in his school robes. Soon, he makes his way to the latrine. (A/N: bathroom, military term)  
  
  
  
Verse I:  
  
Everyday I wake-up to another day gone by  
  
Nothing but the open roads and a never ending why  
  
  
  
Draco walks over to the sink and splashes cold water in his face to wake him up more. But, leaning forwards like that caused him to groan in pain. The bandaged gash on his side still hurt. A flood of memories washing over in Draco's mind as he remembered how he got that horrid gash.  
  
  
  
Anything can happen, yeah, but nothing ever does  
  
  
  
About a month ago, Draco had decided to go home for the Winter Break. (A/N: same as Christmas break) He had to get away from the taunting voices of his fellow Slytherins. Why was he treated so? Over the years of condescending down on others, Draco has grown to hate himself. Hate his father for beating him when he hadn't done anything wrong. Hates the way that the Slytherins are treated like outsiders. Hates the reasons why he never has any true friends. But, what he hates most of all, is how lonely and hollow he feels deep down. By now, Draco is fed up with this hell hole he called his "life." What life? He sometimes would ask himself.  
  
  
  
  
  
I try to change, it's kinda strange  
  
  
  
Draco had decided it was time for a change. If he wanted to get more out of life and feel it's glory, he must reinvent himself. To look at life differently. After estranging himself from his fellow Slytherins, Draco realized that he hadn't insulted Potter and his muggle-loving friends for nearly a month. Was that a good change? Is that where he, Draco Malfoy, should start? Being nice to them. They had never, really, done anything to him. Well, except the Weasel, who hated his guts because he was a Malfoy. Yes, Draco would get into arguments with them, but none of them, intentionally tried to hurt each other with anything psychical. (A/N: Soon the differences would be put aside. For good? I don't know.)  
  
  
  
Same as it ever was  
  
But look at us  
  
  
  
When did this all start? Draco would ponder. Ah, yes. One day, on the weekend, he had woken up earlier than usual. Since there was no one to talk to (is there ever?), Draco got dressed in his Quidditch robes to go down to the field to practice. Once out there and in the air, he decided he needed to sort his thoughts out. Practicing on the weekends always helped him relieve stress and the day's pain away. Even for a second. Hey, it wasn't much to lift his spirits. But what did these days? Getting into a pissing match with Potter? (A/N: as in trading insults! You sickos! ~lol~) Nah. .Hey! Speak of the devil! As Harry crossed the field, he noticed that Draco was there too. Bummer. Deciding to ignore each other, Harry mounted his broom and kick off to the air. While Draco flew over to the other side of the field to weave around the goal posts. After an hour of ignoring Potter and perfecting his dives, Draco flew down into the pitch for a break. He made a perfect soundless landing on the soft dirt path of the pitch. The shade sure felt good after a good work out, covered in sweat. Draco spied a nearby pench, which was perfect because his arms and legs were exhausted. Once he was sitting down with his broom at his side, Draco took out a towel from the belt of his robes to wipe away the sweat. As he was cleansing his face, Draco hadn't noticed that the famous Harry Potter had also flew down to the same spot for his break.  
  
"Man. You sure have been a no show, don't tell these days," spoke Harry in a friendly, conversational way, as he plopped himself down next to Draco. As much as Harry hated dealing with Malfoy, he had been itching to ask why he had been such a loner these days. He paused in his thoughts, to hear Malfoy's response.  
  
"Huh?" came the voice of the latter, jerking his head away from the towel to see who had spoken. * Oh no. It's Potter. What does he want now? *  
  
"Why are you such loner these days?" Harry repeated. He leaned back against the stone wall, slowly relaxing his tense muscles. Since it felt like he was going to be here a while, he might was well get comfortable.  
  
"Why would you care?" Draco answered with some distain in his voice. He almost felt like going into a rage at his companion. But, instead, he took a deep breath, crossed his arms over his chest, and stared out at the wooden beams of the pitch.  
  
" 'Cause, I want to know," Potter spoke with some determination for an answer to his question. No answer. "Father giving you a hard time?" *Shit! Shouldn't have said that! * Harry winced, for he knew that Malfoy didn't like being asked about his family. For reasons he could only imagine.  
  
As Potter asked that famous question, Draco could feel his blood boiling with anger. "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO ASK ME THAT!" he screamed, shaking in anger. "HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DO I HAVE TO BE ASKED THAT DAME QUESTION?! " Draco gave Harry his death glare, which made Potter flinch. * Wow. Hadn't done that in a while. He actually flinched *! He almost felt a smirk coming on, but he made sure to keep a tight face of cold indifference.  
  
"Uh, sorry-" Harry said hastily. Holding his hands up like he'd been caught doing something illegal by the fuzz. (A/N: fuzz is an old slang term for cops. If you read The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton, you'd know. It's a really good book. Ok! Anyways.) But, he was interrupted as Draco started yelling at him again.  
  
"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO HEAR THAT QUESTION OVER AND OVER AND OVER! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE BABIED BY PEOPLE AFTER YOUR FATHER BEATS YOU?! EVEN WHEN YOU HADN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG! HUH, HUH?!" Draco challenged. " WELL, IT'S PRETTY DAME EMBARASSING! AND YOU WANNA KNOW SOMPIN ELSE?!"  
  
"Uh.No?" Harry offered. Hoping that Malfoy would quit screaming at him. His ears hurt. * I think I'm getting a headache *, Harry moaned to himself, rubbing his temples, eyes closed.  
  
"HAVING A MOTHER WHO DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME! NOT EVEN WHEN MY SO CALLED FATHER IS PUNISHING ME! " Draco continued, as if he hadn't been interrupted. "HE SAYS IT'S TO MAKE ME STRONGER! SCREW THAT! YOU HAVE-."  
  
Suddenly, Harry bolted to his feet. Coming eye to eye with Malfoy. Draco's eyes widened in surprise. "OH MY GOSH! WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP?!" Harry yelled back. Now it's his turn to be outraged at the world. "I KNOW YOU FEEL HORRIBLE! HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL? I NEVER HAD PARENTS TO RAISE ME!" His face was turning red from the anger rising within.  
  
* Dude. Never thought Potter had it in him to be mad. * Draco thought, as he felt his muscles starting to relax from the slight shock of Potter's voice. With a heavy sigh, putting his anger aside, Draco spoke before Potter could get another word in edge wise.  
  
"I guess we both had family troubles from the start," he said in a calm voice. Relaxing his shoulders, Draco sat back down with another sigh. He had never felt such anger in his life. * I can't believe I just vented off my anger like that. Of all people. It had to be Potter! Well. *  
  
"What?!" gasped Harry in shock. * I can't believe it! How can he go from angry to calm in.what? Like in matter of 6 seconds?! * Since the argument was almost over, or at least the screaming part, Harry also allowed his body to relax. But, he couldn't sit down quite yet. "How did you do that?" Harry asked without thinking, again.  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"Go from being so enraged at the world, .to.to..as if you hadn't been mad in the first place!" he ended lamely.  
  
"Oh. Dude! It's called 'letting it slide and don't make a big deal of it!' " Draco answered in a supportive, sort of sarcastic way. The way he said that, sounded like he knew Harry ever since he could remember. Plus, the light mood made Potter plop down next to him.  
  
They both sat there is silence for the while, looking up at the sky. "Hey, wanna hear sompin' funny that happened to Ron today?" asked Harry, breaking the silence, but not moving his gaze.  
  
"You'd know it!" came the amused answered.  
  
Returning both their eyes back to Earth, Harry began telling Draco about Ron's "little" accident in detention with Snape..  
  
* And that's how my transformation started. Just a simple conversation with an old enemy. I guess it's true what the wise say: 'even the worst of enemies can find common ground.' *  
  
* After that, I learned a lot about life, myself, and from Harry. Speaking of Harry, we soon found ourselves having normal conversations in the Quidditch pitch. Then, that lead to him asking me if I wanted to join him and his friends for lunch. To sit with them as a friend. Weasel.I mean.Ron won't be too happy about that! But, his friends, eventually, came to accept me for who I am now. That's what counts now right? *  
  
  
  
Chorus:  
  
How do I deal with you  
  
How do I deal with me  
  
When I don't even know myself, Or what it is you want from me.  
  
How do I deal with us  
  
How do I know what's real  
  
When I don't even trust myself  
  
Or what it is I feel  
  
And how do I deal  
  
Yeah  
  
  
  
* Some of these changes that I made in my life, are still hard getting used to. The Slytherins hate me more than ever. But, who cares what they think right?  
  
Even some of the other houses started warming up to me. Hermione says that I'm "opening up and letting go of those suppressed feelings."  
  
Sometimes, these changes come too fast that they're overwhelming. Here and there I'd have a panic attack or sompin'. Even nowadays, I still have conflicts with my old self and my new self. I try to ignore my old self. At times, I don't trust my old instincts. What to lessons to keep or take away?  
  
Harry and Hermione told me not to worry. Can't help it. "Just take it as they come. One day at a time" is what they reassure me with. Okay. I can do that. *  
  
  
  
Verse II:  
  
Every night in the dark I lie awake in bed  
  
How am I supposed to dream, with all the static in my head  
  
Torn in all directions baby, pray for some relief  
  
What can i do but feel the way I'm underneath  
  
  
  
After finishing his daily, morning rituals (minus the hair gel) for getting ready for the new day, Draco made his way down the stairs. His long bangs flopping about as the air rushed by.  
  
It was the Christmas holiday break, yet again. But, he didn't go home like he used to do all those years ago. (A/N: not that long ago, figure of speech.) Draco spends his holidays, here at Hogwarts, with his friends.  
  
He enters the Great Hall through the huge wooden doors. Draco look about for some familiar faces as he stood there in the doorway.  
  
"Oiye! Draco! Over here!" called Ron from a nearby Gryffindor table. Draco smiled at his friends as he approached. Hermione had her nose stuck in a book, as usual.* Does that girl ever relax? * Ron and Harry were playing wizards' chess as they ate breakfast. A plate was set out for him, pilled with what he liked. * Glad they remembered. * Draco plopped down next to Harry, across from Hermione.  
  
"You're late," Harry spoke, looking up from his game. Looking at him, waiting for an answer like he usually did.  
  
"My alarm is busted. Plus, my side is still soar from you know what," he answered.  
  
Hermione look up with concern. "Do you need to see Madam Pomfrey?"  
  
* That Hermione. I swear she acts like your average mother. * "No, I'm fine." When she didn't look assured, "Really" he smiled.  
  
She looked at him, shaking her head. Turning back to her book mumbles, "Guys. Think they're so tough."  
  
As Draco was digging into his breakfast, the fluttering of birds' wings could be heard overhead. He looks up, his black eagle owl coming his way. The owl he named Athelas (because the name sounded cool), swooped by, dropping a letter near his plate.  
  
Draco stared at the leader. * Oh no. * On one side of the envelope was his name.in his father's handwriting. He gulped. His friends look at it too. Draco reached out an arm to pick it up.  
  
* Like I said, I can't help but worry. * He slowly turned the envelope over to open it. * Here goes nothing. * Praying it wasn't one of is Dad's special Howlers, he opened it away from him. Harry and the others leaning towards him, desperate to know what it says.  
  
  
  
And grit my teeth  
  
  
  
Chorus:  
  
How do I deal with you  
  
How do I deal with me  
  
When I don't even know myself  
  
Or what it is you want from me  
  
How do I deal with love (Why do I) Why do I have to choose  
  
Everybody's tellin me, what the hell I have to do  
  
And how do I deal with us  
  
How do I know what's real  
  
When I don't even trust myself, Or what it is I feel  
  
And how do I deal  
  
(How do I deal with you) How do I deal with you  
  
When I don't even know myself or what it is you want from me  
  
(How do I deal with love) How do I deal  
  
(Why do I have to choose) When everybody's telling me what the hell I  
  
have to  
  
do  
  
Bridge:  
  
Repeat chorus 1 time until music fades 


End file.
